1. You say to us, "You're not romantic anymore." Fine, we'll try
harder. But only if you agree to initiate once in a while, too. Deal?
2. Then there's "You never listen." This is not an inherently male
trait. I mean, how many times does a guy have to explain the
infield-fly rule?
3. No, you don't look fat. Did we mention how you never listen?
4. If you ask our opinion, please don't get mad when we give it. The
color of the curtains shouldn't be a referendum on our relationship.
5. It's just a spider, for Pete's sake. Step on it.
6. We worked a 60-hour week, took out the garbage, did the dishes,
paid the bills, walked the dog, changed the oil, picked up the dry
cleaning, read to the kids, and gave you equal time. All we're asking
for is 3 hours on the couch on Sunday.
7. No more deflecting responsibility for crummy behavior with cute and
kittenish responses. You can't giggle your way out of trouble anymore.
8. You know damn well what we're doing in there. Stop asking.
9. Forget the notion that raising kids is harder than maintaining
gainful employment. More important? Yes. But harder? No.
10. If you continue to dump on our best friend, we will probe the
(many) character tics of all your friends.
11. If you want to have kids, you have to have sex. This is not a
complaint. This is science.
12. Somewhere, somehow, women were sold this idea of "fashionably
late." Men don't get this. Make up a fashion emergency if you must,
but don't ask us to be intentionally tardy. It's like asking us to
kick the host in the groin.
13. Yes, that woman is hot. Yes, we appreciate beauty. That's why
we're with you.
14. We do listen. And empathize. But when your troubles have been
analyzed until there's nothing left to talk about, can we please stop
talking about them?
15. If we fell in love with you when you had long hair, we're going to
want you to keep your long hair until death do us part. We'll beg, but
would prefer not to.
16. As for commitment ultimatums, just address numbers 1 through 15 on
this list, then we'll talk.
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